BREAKING: Local man confirmed tall ⚔️ Mortgage rates briefly stop to admire Matt Swords ⚔️ Fan club membership surges past single digits ⚔️ Scientists unable to measure droleness, instruments "too dry" ⚔️ Lake Superior asks Matt for a pre-approval ⚔️ Ope, just gonna sneak past ya — it's Matt Swords ⚔️ Minnesota DNR reclassifies Matt as a "natural landmark" ⚔️ Hotdish sales spike whenever he enters a church basement ⚔️
MATT SWORDSFan Club ⚔️ Est. whenever
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The Matt Swords Fan Club is dedicated to honoring the man who is tall, sells mortgages like it's his job (it is), and is pretty funny. Let's all raise our swords to honoring this great man.
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📜 Certified Matt Swords FactsEach one personally verified by nobody
Click the button. Receive knowledge.
Facts absorbed: 0
📏 The Height-o-MeterHow do you stack up against Matt? (You don't.)
Slide to compare. Brace yourself.
YOU5'10"
MATT???
☁️ ☁️
🏡 The Swords Mortgage-o-Tron 3000Not financial advice. Barely even a calculator.
Awaiting your financial hopes and dreams...
PRE-APPROVED BY VIBES
⚔️ Sword ClickerThe idle game nobody asked for. Your progress saves on this device.
0swords raised in honor of Matt0 per second
Rank: Casual Admirer
🧠 How Matt Swords Are You?A rigorous scientific instrument
⭐ TestimonialsFrom people, objects and bodies of water
All testimonials are made up, which is what makes them so believable.
🛡️ The Sacred Oath
I solemnly swear to honor Matt Swords, who is tall, wealthy, and drole. I will look up to him (literally). I will laugh at his jokes, especially the dry ones. I will never pay full price for a bad interest rate. And I will raise my sword whenever his name is spoken. Ope. Amen.
Certificate of Fandom
This certifies that
is hereby an official member of the Matt Swords Fan Club
Screenshot this and frame it. Or don't. Matt will know either way.